I got your voicemails
Not the minute you sent it
But I listened
I replayed them to make sure it was really you
Cause the you I knew
Would never call
All about yourself
Too prideful to fall
But since you called
I guess you got some help
Must’ve quit denying that we weren’t vibing
Because we all have our own issues
For starters
I can’t remember the last time that I missed you
Can’t even remember the last time that I kissed you
Because you became a love of disdain
Every day
I
Even tried
just to forget your name
on numerous occasions
For my own healing
Acting like I wasn’t wounded
only continued my killing
It hasn’t been until now that I understand the art of forgiving
But I contemplated
If the past experience was worth a conversation
Should this still receive some hesitation
If you deserved to hear the words you anticipated
So I waited
To see if I would feel a change
Just to hearing the mention of your name
I used to have so many questions
But I realized now that it was all for a lesson
The learning of myself
The understanding of true wealth
I won’t deny the energy we had
Two souls who longed for the love from a dad
We walked on common ground
Guess it hurt cause I know how it is
To be a kid
To have a love that’s profound
from a broken mother
Wishing you could fix it
Just so she doesn’t have to suffer
You’ll do whatever
simply
Just because you love her
But still you dislike so many of her ways
Constantly reminded that
Maturity isn’t reflected in age
Have to remember that we all heal at a different pace
Have to remember that some things are just apart of a phase
Even when it ended I wondered about your circumstances
For all the occasions
when
I split my finances
And I still don’t regret it
Because
That’s a deed that will always be embedded
In love
Even though all our words ever did
Was push and shove
But even now I can’t deny my “need” to provide
Remembering you said I would be replaced
If I could no longer provide
Because of that
I’ve had some visits
from the thoughts of suicide
then
I was fresh out of high school
new to learning college
You wanted me to be your savior
when
I wanted more knowledge
How unfair
Times you were absent when I needed you there
Times you hurt me
just from your own despair
Like a game
of
I declare
War
Safe to say I won
Because
I didn’t want that anymore
I realized that I fell out of love
and it was
All from the way
We always
pushed and shoved
(2016)
The AwkweirdSole. 