Growing Pains

I don’t want them to view me as the same
Not that I care about their opinions but it’s about a certain feeling of disdain
Of failure in myself
Striving to transform without asking for help
Despite my large lack of wealth
For me to stay the same is a growing pain
Limited to the same ideologies
Changing my look like I’m in cosmetology
But the phlebotomy will always bleed the same
I can’t be stuck in a growing pain
I need room to expand my thinking
Cause I’ve learned that the darkness can be sinking
I need room to breathe
And space to fall
And at times it seems family can close in these walls
Suffocating
Things become less liberating
Living like life requires a pass in legislation
I’m losing patience
Because it seems that every situation leaves me in a dire need
And I often find myself on my hands and knees
Pleading for this all to end
Trying to stop the contemplation
of
Committing bigger sins
Trying not to have that relationship with gin
Again
Tired of working for these white men
Tired of momma asking me when I’mma move back in
And got damn
I don’t want them to view me as the same
But I got it bad with these growing pains
Addressed by Ms. My Last Name
Having thoughts of attending my future child’s game
Trying not to think that it’ll always be the same
Searching for my yin and yang
Climbing to break the chains
In need of a systematic change
Like life needs a hard reset
I got the growing pains
I miss the days of recess
When momma had for me everything preset
When I didn’t have to address the pain
that’s caused by these no names
When the bills wasn’t due
When I wasn’t bruised black and blue
When I didn’t have to reflect on
The truth
But the fact remains
I’m trying to be vain
In a world of growing pains

(2017)